Money is crucial in marriage — Feranmi Biala’s wife

Gospel artiste and  lead singer of the group, Bois Olorun, Feranmi Biala, and his wife, Toyosi, tell BUKOLA BAKARE some of the things that keep their marriage going

How did you meet?

Feranmi: I am a gospel artiste and the group head of Bois Olorun. We met in church actually as we attended the Lord of Harvest Church together as teenagers and we were members of the choir.

Toyosi: I work as a customer care representative in a telecommunications company. We met in church and he was my prayer partner so to speak. We sparked off a friendship thereafter and the rest is history.

What were some of those qualities that endeared you to each other?

Feranmi: I would say that she came across as a very simple person, so her simplicity endeared her to me. In addition, she was someone who loved and still loves God.

Toyosi: He is a very friendly person and has a warm personality. Those were some of the things that attracted me to him.

How was your courtship?

Feranmi: It was kind of different from what most people are used to.

Toyosi: Our courtship was pretty good and interesting.

In what ways was your courtship different?

Feranmi: We started off as ‘spiritual friends’ and what really brought us together was our deep prayer life. We always found time to pray together.

You didn’t go out on regular dates like other couples do during courtship?

Feranmi: No, we didn’t have time to do all of that.

Toyosi: We didn’t even do all of that and when we eventually got married; there was no honeymoon until much later.

What happened?

Toyosi: We had a programme that we were both involved in at the time, so we had to postpone our honeymoon until a year after our marriage. We were both very busy; we had to make out time when we could. Although we still had time for ourselves, it wasn’t just the conventional honeymoon that people are used to.

When did you get married?

Feranmi: We have been married for three years; we got married in April, 2013.

How would you describe your marital journey so far?

Feranmi: It has been a school for us because there is always something to learn, and we learn new things every day. Marriage is about life, family, parenting, it is all encapsulating.

Toyosi: Marriage is indeed a journey and it can be a loving one when both spouses have decided to become one and act as such.  Of course, challenges would come your way and I can tell you that there is no marriage that does not have its challenges. In our own case, there is no specific one because we have been able to manage our issues.

As proud parents of twins, what is parenting like for both of you?

Feranmi: Being the father of twins is a blessing. Parenting is wonderful because the Bible states that children are God’s heritage. So, I see it as an assignment God gave to us to do for Him on earth.

Toyosi: Parenting is quite challenging, but I must say I love being a mother. Parenting has also been good because it is an adventure. One never has an idea of what to expect really until one gets down into the business of raising one’s children. Then, the real work starts. I am immensely grateful to God because He has been my source of strength and help on that journey.

What is your husband’s favourite food?

Toyosi: I don’t think he has any favourite meal as such, but I do know that he likes fried rice and chicken. That would always make his day. He also likes eating amala.

From your perspective, what causes marital break-up?

Feranmi: If a marriage is not built on God, it cannot work and that is the truth. There is no material thing or emotional factor that can help one because those things fail. It is very important to build one’s marriage on God. One must know Him and understand His plans about marriage. When God is one’s standard and not a person, one’s marriage will stand the test of time.

Toyosi: For those experiencing challenges in their marriages and feel like quitting, the scripture says, “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” No matter what couples are passing through, it is just a phase and they shouldn’t give up. They should stick together and weather the storm. Getting out of the marriage is not always the solution to these problems. If couples stick together and recognise God in their lives, they would be able to surmount their challenges.

What are some of the things that people don’t know about you?

Feranmi: I am passionate about the development of youths, making them understand the need for hard work in life. Also, as an individual, I honestly hate discomfort and the reason is that I like being creative all the time. I think a lot and always want to be in a creative environment that will enhance my productivity. These are some of the things that give me great joy.

Toyosi: I am an easy-going person. I am passionate about my career and family as well.

When there are disagreements in your marriage, who apologises first?

Feranmi: As a couple, we have a principle that we agreed upon, though it doesn’t work every time. We told ourselves that anytime we have a disagreement, we should both take the blame and by the time we do that, we apologise to each other. We just believe that in marriage, it takes two to fight, as well as handle issues. If a spouse initiates the fight and the second party resists it, there would be no quarrel in the first place.

Toyosi: Both of us always take the blame when disagreements happen in our home; so, anybody can apologise first without having to wait for a particular person to do so. Marriage is all about teamwork and by the time one starts blaming one party or the other over an issue that one ought to have resolved a long time, one would end up nursing unnecessary grudges.

What informs your fashion choices?

Toyosi: My husband and I have different tastes when it comes to fashion, so we are not one of those couples that would be caught wearing uniforms.

Share a memorable moment in your marriage.

Feranmi: There are several memorable moments, but the one that I can readily remember was the day my wife was delivered of twins. It was an awesome moment for me.

How important is finance in marriage?

Feranmi: Truth be told, love alone cannot sustain a marriage. It will be difficult because couples need money. Yes, love is important in marriage, but it is also proper to understand that most of the time, the love will grow as the marriage progresses. I would advise that intending couples should have a specific plan on how they want to gain financial freedom. If one is not financially capable, especially as a husband, there would be problems. It is important for men to think of financial freedom as soon as possible so that money can grow in their marriages. But if there is no significant financial freedom at the beginning of the marriage, it is not a crime. Both husband and wife should plan on investment and taking on extra jobs to augment their income because things cannot work smoothly if there is no money. Finance is therefore very important in every marriage.

Toyosi: Finances is a very crucial factor in marriage, no matter how one looks at it. However, as much as couples need money for the day-to-day running of their homes, what is much more important is financial management, just like my husband said. If couples can come up with a plan on how to achieve that, I don’t think they will have money problems in their homes.

Punch