Not everybody has perfect sex organs

Going through close to billions of requests, questions, and inquires sent to me through emails, calls and text messages, one question directly or indirectly has topped the list of these S.O.S. It is mostly about the penis as many people want to know how well and far the penis grows, because most of them desperately need the growth.

What can be done for the penis to become the best in size and function? This actually means that a high percentage of men fall into the category of those who wished they were more endowed than they are now. This has become a great concern among sex therapist, sexologist and researchers all over the globe. Researchers are carrying out researches all the time to find a final solution to this global gender apprehension.  With over a decade of specialising in sex therapy, I’ve had so many women complaining that their guy’s penis is just too small. Many men have also complained about the size of their penis.

 However, if you (like these men) are worried that your length and girth doesn’t fulfil your married partner or fiancée’s needs, there are a few things you can do. These few things will take you off the level of apprehension and anxiety to either become an expert or close to one.

I have always advocated that when husbands train themselves to be a good lover, they would always cover up for their short comings. Focus on your wife’s body and not your object of anxiety (your penis). Paying attention to her pleasure can make you the greatest lover ever. Learn how to arouse her with time, flirtation, and seduction. Her mind is her most powerful sex organ and not only your penis and she will gladly respond to your heartfelt desire, sexual intensity and romance.

Do you know one trick that has worked for many? It is flat tummy! Just learn how to keep your belly flat. It is very possible for you not to have stupendous, astonishing, amazing and surprising genital anatomy especially the penis. It may not only be small but maybe ugly, unnecessarily curved and so on. But do you know that statistics has shown that women generally get more turned on by looking at their husband’s tummy and the penis than by looking at his genitals – the penis and the scrotum – alone?

So if I were you, I would rather work more on making sure the tummy is still in shape while looking for ways to make the penis bigger. This is because those wives who are bold enough to look down while you are thrusting in and out, focus their gaze more on the tummy than actually on the penis because they can’t even see the penis in it fullness during sexual act; even with different sex styles, except when you are still at the stage of love play.  And if you are smart, during the stage of love play, focus more on caressing your wife’s nipples and clitoris intensely; she will not even pay attention to the size of your penis at that time. Also, note that a big belly makes your penis look smaller because your abdomen appears to absorb penile length.

If you want to have years of sexual marital bliss regardless of your penis size, don’t ever believe in pornography movies, they are just make-belief. Despite what porn suggests, women don’t actually want extremely huge penis and unending intercourse or sex.  Lots of my female clients report problems with penis that is too big. Many of them complain of pains and cuts not only because of the size but because the owner of the big and enviable penis doesn’t even know how best to smartly use it. Many wives secretly love averagely big ones and then they also crave for more of tender, substantial and extensive foreplay. These women want their husbands never to ignore their nipples, breast and clitoris. They mostly advocate for patience and attention during foreplay.

Ironically, many husbands do not have sexual structure. Husbands should please develop great personal sexual manual technique that is unique to your home and relationship. This will make your wife beg and plead for sex from you.  Please, it is important for you to know what you’re sexually up to. Do not be clumsy, awkward and gauche. This is why many wives run away from sex. The sex bed is not where you put down rules and regulation such as, ‘I am the head so do what I say’ or ‘don’t tell me what to do’. Rather, it is where you develop your operational manual such as watching her vulva as you arouse her so that you can really understand her specific anatomy. Women report mind blowing orgasms with concurrent vaginal orgasm, clitoral orgasm and G-spot stimulation. These types of orgasm are nearly only achievable with fingers and not with penis. So even if yours is two-inch long, try these out.

Female orgasms are determined by the size of the penis, the finger of the penis owner, and the brain of the penis owner. All three combined set the woman on fire. So learn how to leverage on the mental aspect of female sexuality. Become a masterful lover and please get the experience, get the correct knowledge and discover the essential sexual skills.  And lastly, set the foundations for a wildly exciting sexual relationship. Realize how to easily and effectively escalate your wife’s arousal with your words, fingers and penis in and out of the bedroom as long as you both have enough privacy and you are comfortable. Give her orgasms like she has never had before. Teach her to squirt. To make it as simple as possible, there are some basic ways to go about bringing your wife to orgasm most especially by stimulating her clitoris and by stimulating her G-spot. Each area needs its own type of attention and will bring very unique sensations for her. It is worth knowing a bit more about these even if your penis is on the small side.

 Many men who have small penis always ignore the clitoris especially if their wives are circumcised. They would think the little tissue remaining would not be as effective as if she was not circumcised.

This is a huge mistake please. Don’t be fooled by its tiny size, the clitoris is the Queen Bee of her hive. It houses 8,000 sensitive nerve-endings, which is twice as much as the entire penis contains, either small or big or huge.

So what you need to do is to ensure you’re not playing a guessing game with her genitals. The clitoris is the only part of the female body that the sole purpose is to provide sexual pleasure. It is the only organ in the female body devoted solely to physical pleasure. It is the physiological equivalent of the head of a man’s penis packed with nerve endings and sensitive to touch.

 Located just above the opening of the vagina, it is a small protrusion that becomes more pronounced when a woman is aroused.  Now, I need husbands to know that every clitoris is a little different in terms of sensitivity; even light pressure from fingertips may be too much for some wives, while others can take a lot more stimulation. So whenever you want to work on the clitoris, start off light. Use two fingertips to gently massage the clitoris. Try using a circular motion, or switch it up with up and down movements as well. Experiment with different speed and pressure to see what works best for her. Remember, this is not a ‘rub n’ tug’ kind of experience, so be gentle. A little lubrication doesn’t hurt; your saliva is a good natural one. But we also have other lubricants available that would accelerate the job. Keep it light; the area is very sensitive and she would respond much better to a slow start. She would let you know if an increase in pressure is required. Include the surrounding area and don’t focus too intently. The nerve endings extend out from her clitoris and she would get pleasurable feelings from attention being paid to the entire area. In fact, too much direct attention could even be uncomfortable for some women, so variation is key. Speed is important to her, just as it is to you when she visits down south. Steadily increasing strokes that are sustained will be more successful than sporadic or inconsistent probing.

 Suck and nibble on it. A move that is often overlooked is actually using the lips and tongue to actually suck on the clitoris. Always remember that the entire vulva consists of sensitive nerve fibres. So being able to suck on the head of the clitoris and lightly nibble on her inner and outer labia would be an experience. Sucking the labia a little will stimulate the nerve fibres. The sucking will also lead to increased vasocongestion, or more blood flow to the vulva and the clitoris. It’s fun to start by blowing your warm breath over her clitoris to get her going. Then you can flick your tongue over it, alternating from up and down. Do you know how you like your scrotum to be cupped? Now do that to her entire vulva with added pressure to her clitoris.

Bear in mind that the clitoris is the focus of pleasure for most wives and is usually the place that when stimulated, will bring them to orgasm. Put your penis aside and use your hands on this organ. Identifying the clitoris may or may not be difficult for you to do by touching but paying close attention to your wife’s reactions may help you figure out if you’re in the area and/or touching her in ways that she enjoys. If you’re comfortable, talking with your wife is a sure-fire way to find her pleasure zones. Ask her to show you her clitoris. Ask her how she likes it to be touched. Or you can put your wife’s hand on top of yours to guide you. Have fun exploring each other’s body. Just remember that the more you put your hands and fingers to work, the less attention is on the penis!

Questions and answers

Impossible mission

 I am lying in bed with my husband and baby, all three of us naked or close enough, and I am stuffed in-between them. My breasts are engorged, my C-section incision still burns, and I have not slept for more than two hours in a row for days and days. My husband’s hand is on me, my baby’s mouth is on my breast, and I realize that she wants milk, while he wants sex (or at least some sexy attention). All I want right now is to be transported out of this bed and deposited anywhere else all alone. Do you think I can possibly do anything sensible with my breasts right now?

 Aliyatu Omorege

 The sex hormone level of a woman does not get back to normal so easily because of the release of the milk hormone (Prolactin). However, this Prolactin makes a wife look more appealing. Interest in sex after birth can take up to six months. However, you have to work at it because you are more sexually tempting at this moment and your husband’s sexual desires are on the increase. 

It will be wise if you try to figure out a way you and your husband would both be okay with making sex brief and passionate. So while the baby is taking a nap, why not say, ‘Hey, do you want to have sex?’ You would be surprised that he would jump into the bed, and minutes later, both of you would be back to your lives again. When you do not feel like actually doing the deed, just give him a blowjob; it’s faster, and you do not have to pretend to be in the mood for sex.

 My woman is not faithful

 I suspect my wife is cheating on me. She has become so distant and I am so devastated. I do not think I deserve this. I have always been there for her and I have provided for her needs. Should I just send her away? I do not think I can bear the thought of her unfaithfulness.

Saide Salako

Sad to say that a high number of married women cheat on their husbands when they think their husbands do not love them anymore, or they do not feel desirable or they cannot resist the other person’s sexual escapade and advances or even when they are just bored and needed some excitement.

‘Suspicion is the mother of all mess-ups’. Even if she has become distant, it may not mean she’s cheating, so don’t accuse her, or you will probably never repair the broken trust. Instead, tell her your uncertainties. Even when she has become less excited during sex, it may be because you may have been sexually unappealing, unpleasant, selfish, or you exhibited bad hygiene, or you couldn’t sustain an erection or you have a small penis not put to excellent use. These may be her sexual turn-offs.

So make a list of what you would do differently such as, treat her like a human being and not a sex reservoir. Communicate lovingly to her, talk to your wife as if she is your mistress and she will respond as a mistress. Talk to her as if she is on old ‘abandoned federal government project’ and she will respond likewise. Compliment her physical appearance, especially her hair, clothes, shoes and perfume. Build up your wife confidence in front of others. Compliment her and brag about her.

A wife wears these things for herself but she also wears them for her husband. Take notice and compliment her on other things. She will feel assured and confident that you are impressed and she will feel good about herself. Always compliment what she is wearing even when she is dressed very casual. Women are always conscious about their clothes. The more you compliment a woman on her appearance, her sexual performance, or anything she does, the more she will try to please you.  Be genuinely interested in her; ask her how her day was.

Let her know how you feel about her and what it is like to make love to her. It is in those days that women are to be seen and not to be heard. When it comes to sexual matters, things are changing. I know this is hard for your ego, but if you want a loyal wife and a better sexualresponse as you make love to her, starting with the first touch to the last, tell her what you are experiencing. Let her know what it is like to kiss her. Touch her, hold her, love her, look at her, smell her, and see her expressions. On the other hand, tell her how good she makes you feel while she gives you sexual attention. Unless the passion is so strong that you find yourself ripping your clothes off for a quickie, I suggest as a rule to saturate your wife with foreplay until she verbally or physically asks, insists or begs you to make love to her. In this way, you will know she is ready and she will be much more responsive to lovemaking.

 I mostly have the attack when I am having sex

Funmi, I am asthmatic and I mostly have the attack when I am having sex with my wife. I love sex so much, do you think I am in any form of danger.

Aminatu oloribi

Asthma is caused by inflammation in the airways. When an asthma attack occurs, the muscles surrounding the airways become tight and the lining of the air passages swells. This reduces the amount of air that can pass by, and can lead to wheezing sounds. Most people with asthma have wheezing attacks. Some have long-term shortness of breath. In others, a cough may be the main symptom. Asthma attacks can last from minutes to days and can become dangerous if the airflow becomes severely restricted. It may be worse at night or early morning. It may go away on its own or you may get better when using drugs that open the airways. Why your case seems to gets worse whenever you have sex with your spouse may be because it gets worse with exercise. I would suggest you allow moderation in all you do. For instance, if you usually go for ‘marathon rounds’ why not limit it to just few ones? Then make sure you engage in comfortable positions, standing position that will require you to carry your spouse half way up may not be the best for you.

Punch