Just at 50, my husby is off sex!

My husband and I are both in our fifties and our sex life seems to have died a natural death. Other than this, we’re really comfortable with each other. I’ve tried talking to him about it and have asked if he’s no longer interested in me that way or if he has someone else he’s making love to. But he always reassures me that he loves me very much.

In spite of his assurance, no matter what I say, nothing seems to work and I’m getting increasingly fed-up. There is nothing physically wrong with him and we have no worries over work or money as the children have finished school. Is there anything I can do to bring our love life back? Patience, By e-mail.

Dear Patience, Contrary to popular belief that it’s the wife who always has a ‘headache’, it’s often the man who decides to stop having sex in long-term relationships. We just don’t hear about it because no one talks about it. There are many reasons your man could go off sex.

You didn’t mention what your sex life was like before but if your husband has never had a particularly high libido, ageing doesn’t help. Levels of testosterone fall and he may be experiencing erection problems (common in the 50s) but be too embarrassed to tell you.

Encourage him to get a full medical, including a check of testosterone level as supplements can make quite a difference. Once he’s been given the all-clear, try a different approach. Don’t wait for him to initiate sex, just do it. Encouraging him to have sex might reignite passion.

Also encourage him to tell you what his secret turn­ons are and indulge them if you can. Domesticity dampens desire for a lot of men and he may need the promise of a spicy, fresh scenario to get his interest (and him) aroused.

If all else fails, why not see an expert together? lastly, if he’s willing, you can try oral sex to ease him back into penetrative sex.

Vanguard