I’m worried my wife’s friend will tell

Dear Bunmi,

A woman I had an affair with years ago has got back in touch and I’m scared our affair will come to light. I feel so ashamed when I think about it.

At the time it happened, my wife was very ill and depressed and her sex drive was non-existent. But although I was frustrated, I never thought about looking elsewhere until this woman came to me.

She’s my wife’s friend and because her marriage was in trouble she’d flirt with any man she met. I thought it was a bit of fun, until one
night when I met her at a birthday party for a colleague. My wife couldn’t face going out, but this woman was there and when she saw I
was on my own, she made a play for me.

lt was obvious she was drunk and started talking about sex, and how she wasn’t getting it. She was all over me and when I tried to fend
her off, she said we were only having fun and I needed to loosen up.

I thought maybe I was being a bit uptight, so when she suggested I take her home, I agreed. I should have backed off when she started pressing her body against mine in the car, but by then I as so overcome with lust that I didn’t say no when she asked me in and we had sex as soon as we were near the sofa. It was quick and it satisfied a need, nothing more.

We met a few moire times for sex and I was relieved when she and her husband finally split up and she relocated abroad. That was 10 years ago.

A few weeks ago, my wife had an e-mail from her. She said she’s remarried and was moving back to Lagos and would visit as soon as she
arrived.

I felt sick with worry when I heard that my wife is a lot better now but if she found out I’d been banging her friend when she was ill, she
could have a relapse. I tried to persuade her to ignore the e-mail, but she said she was eager to see her friend again after all these
years.

I’m afraid this woman will say something. I’m wondering if I should contact her and ask her to keep quiet. Jonpo, by e-mall

Dear Jonpo,
Why would she want to stir up trouble after all this time? It is understandable she’s looking up all her old friends if she’s moving
back to her old base.

When you had an affair with her, she was unhappyand needy, but now she’s remarried she’s presumably content with her life.

And she’s not about to upset her new-found happiness by raking up secrets from the past.

The guilt you still feel is causing you to imagine the worst. Say nothing and behave as though it never happened
and I suspect that she will too.

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